Why is it the people who "love" you cause you so much pain out of all those meant to protect us they cut us so deeply. I thought this would be the last of my disappointments and i would finally find something real but here i am again in tears. angry and sad at the same time. I wanted this to work so bad but its hard when you don't get outside. you need air to think clearly and i think the little bit of air i just got got me thinking straight. this just isn't working.and i should step back before it becomes worse.

Is it so strange the things that bother me? i find there simple. a need for respect and openess a kindness and to be treated like im special all the time not just 50 percent of the day. Maybe I don't deserve it maybe thats what he thinks that i just am the way i am to show off something like he says. I ask how he's doing and he says its just so i could get at him some way. im confused.this isn't right though to feel this way. and to hurt this much. I ask for advice and all i get is silence. I mean does all the happiness
clear up all the pian? how does this work? am I giving up to easily if i leave now? eh I guess It will all come to me when I'm ready to receive it.